Resorted
by CarverLockman
Summary: When Harry Potter is Resorted into Slytherin, the house of snakes is in for a shock - Harry is not the boy they all thought he was, and he's about to take Hogwarts by storm - starting with the Slytherin common room. Slight Crack, very OOC. Gen.


Resorted

*I own nothing.*

**After reading so many resorting fics in which Harry is resorted into Slytherin, I couldn't help but want to do one. It's a bit crack-y, but after so many angst filled 'I hate this what if my friends don't like me anymore I don't know how to deal with this' fics, I wanted to see one where Harry has always known he was Slytherin at heart and has just been duping everyone the whole time and it's the Slytherins who have to adapt. So, you know, definitely OOC.**

When asked later what could have possibly made them think that trying out resorting students into new houses half way through their time at Hogwarts was a good idea, the faculty of Hogwarts would generally mumble something about "changing needs as the grow" or "inter-house unity" or even "seemed like it'd be entertaining, at least." However, all of the acknowledged that all in all, it was a "bad move" to allow the sorting hat to fall upon Harry Potter's head a third time (counting, of course, that incident in his second year with the sword) and that if they had to pinpoint where it all went wrong, it was the moment when a stony faced Harry Potter strode out of the doors of the Great Hall, a silver and green emblem glittering on his robes, his tie slung around his neck like an emerald-scaled snake.

Harry walked calmly towards the dungeons, heading for the Slytherin common rooms. The students started to fall back to force him to ask for help finding the common room, but he confidently made his way towards the entrance, seemingly without help. As he arrived, he slipped in after a contingent of first years following a prefect, catching the password being whispered in an attempt at memorization. He paused in the center of the room as the rest of the house filed in, all examining him for a hint of his first impression of his new housing. Harry cocked an eyebrow, face impassive.

"Wow," he drawled in a surprisingly Malfoy-ish fashion, "This place hasn't changed a bit." The students' eyes bugged, gobsmacked at his casual observation.

"Wait, are you saying you've been in here before?" Pansy Parkinson asked incredulously.

"Yeah, in second year, during that whole Heir-of-Slytherin debacle, nasty business. I figured someone in here might know something about the whereabouts of the infamous chamber of secrets, but alas, my hopes were in vain." Harry mused mockingly, the beginnings of a smirk twitching at the edges of his mouth.

"How did you even get in?" Pansy demanded only slightly hysterically, unnerved by this strange new Harry Potter.

"Malfoy let me in of course." Harry could not hold back a smirk with this statement. Everyone stared at Draco Malfoy, shocked at this new information.

"What?! No, I didn't!" Draco denied furiously.

"Yes, you did, you just didn't know it was me at the time. I was polyjuiced to look like Goyle, told you I'd forgotten the password, and you let me right in. We had a lovely chat about politics and current events before I left." Harry said with a strangely malicious joviality.

"That was you? I just thought someone had confounded me to forget what'd happened." Goyle spoke up, frowning.

"Nope, no confounding, just a good old fashioned drugged cupcake." Harry grinned.

"Why are you telling us this? You could get in trouble for entering another house's common room without permission." Pansy pointed out, frowning.

"Eh, I figure that since I'm _officially_ a Slytherin now it doesn't matter so much. Though, if I were to hypothetically tell you that I hypothetically had also been in the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff common rooms, then I'd be in trouble." Harry raised his eyebrows conspiratorially.

"Okay, stop. Are we all just going to stand around and chat like this is normal? Harry freaking Potter is a Slytherin! And has been for years if I'm reading the subtext of his use of the word 'officially' correctly! Why are we not freaking out about this? Did any of you see this coming? Because I didn't see this coming." Blaise Zabini had a minor freak out that prompted many of the emotionless masks in the room to crack as others in the room started to look around for anyone who knew what the hell was going on. Harry started to chuckle.

"Oh, come one. Out of all of Slytherin house, not one of you saw past the whole 'Golden Boy of Gryffindor' routine? Sheesh, I thought you guys were supposed to be cunning. I always thought I was overacting! I mean, the crazy adventures every year, saving damsels in distress, making the most evil looking pure blooded bigoted firstie I could find my rival from day one, being best friends with a Weasley and an outcast muggleborn? Did none of you think I might be compensating for something? I mean, I saved a girl from a troll my first year. Who does that outside of terribly unrealistic children's books? No one! It's ridiculous. I just assumed some of you knew but didn't care. I'm almost disappointed." He frowned just a bit before smirking again.

The Slytherins slowly started to process his words. They quickly realized that none of them knew Harry Potter as well as they thought they did. He truly did belong in Slytherin – and all of them were in way over their heads.


End file.
